There will be so many post, articles, memes, videos, and list shared during this time. Things people want to start or stop, create and do, and much goal setting. I vacillated myself about wanting to do the same. As a society, we have been so aculturated to make big, and small, declarations during this time. I didn’t just want to be responding to the cues and signals around me, but for my share to be an organic engagment.

So, while it’s coming when our timelines and in boxes will be inundated with repeated themes and instructional stories of getting started, this is not exactly that.

I recorded a video on November 28th, about two weeks before my 45th birthday. It was just me waking up that morning and what came to me after my morning prayer and routine start for my day. Over the last few months there have been noticiable changes in how I am moving and interacting with life, and in my day to day. I have done work through relationship coaching, in preparation for being in relationship, but also to explore and understand myself. I think this was a catalyst for some of the changes and revelations that have occured, in addition to all the work and introspection I have been doing over the previous years.

https://youtu.be/XIU_eprQ9NM

In the relationship coaching I learned to let go of the sense of urgency I had around finding a relationship; and feeling that I had to behave and perform in a certain way in order to facilitate a relationship. For so long I didn’t think relationship was possible for me, so when I did see it as a possibilty the need and want of it became an obsession that didn’t present in a healthy and conscious way. I want and will write more on this, but I’m trying to stick to the right now with this post. But, suffice it to say, learning these things about myself and being able to explore these ideas and behaviors allowed for me to see other parts of me differently.

So when I made the video it wasn’t about making changes or starting new behaviors to “improve” me, it was about being comfortable with being who is developing through growth, and unlearing, and introspection. Through quiet moments, meditation, contemplative thinking, listening to intuition; developing that skill, and being more sure in the voice that I have been given.

Much of what I feel has held me back is the worry of judgement and interpretation of others: How I might be perceived and if I will be understood, but that’s not my responsibility or any of my bussiness. My responsibility is to be availablefor creativity and what chooses me as its expressive vehicle and interpreter.

Life now seems much more easy and in harmony with being, not something to fight against or try to control or bend and shape to my will. Life is not something that is working against you, or has an agenda to bring you misery, pain or turmoil: we do that. And it’s not to say that difficulties and challenges won’t occur, but how you perceive and interprert them is what will, and can, determine how you are able to move through to grow from and with them.

I don’t know how to tie this all up or bring it to a close, which a lot of times is what keeps me from writing and sharing: Having an idea, but not knowing how to formulate the right phrasing and words to convey it. Or it sounding great in my head, but not being able to express it just right in the writng, however, that stops now.

I think mostly,what I’m trying to express here, is the permission for myself, and whomever else may get the same message, is too not let the “what if”, or the imagined worst outcome, control or dictate your decision.

Daniel Pink recently wrote a book on regrets, and I listened to a few of the podcast interviews he did. The thing that resonanted the most was that we regret the things we don’t do way more than the things we do. If you do something and it doesn’t go as planned, you have the possibility to correct, modify, or fix it. If you never try or make the attempt you only have questions and unfulfilled regret of a life that could have been.

And I don’t interpret that as saying to go through life doing everything just because it’s what you want, you still have to use discernment, informed judgement, and objectivity to assess situation and circumstance, but what I do take away is not to let fear and worry be in the drivers seat.

I plan to share more, and in a different variety of mediums. I hope to stay consistent and be a useful and helpful voice for anyone who takes the time to ingest any content I share. It’s not going too be meticuously produced and created, trying to acheive that all the time would just be an excuse not to do. But what I hope to give is my authentic true voice, a genuine offering of myself, and a space that leaves others comfortable doing the same.